I CAN MOONWALK!
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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