I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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