I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
