They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
