your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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