that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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