'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
