dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
