I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
