I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
