i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
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