Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
