I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
