So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
