Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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