he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I cannot find my penis.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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