my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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