somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
