I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
