turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
