And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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