the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
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I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
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I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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