at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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