I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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