i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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