What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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