Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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