his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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