after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
