he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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