non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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