my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
