It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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