so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize