when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
