ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
