I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize