This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize