also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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