I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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