i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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