Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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