I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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