Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
