Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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