Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So much rum. So many feels.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Randomize
