So drunk its hurt
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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