I wish I only lived at night.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
