bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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