She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
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last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
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The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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