My friends, they love my intelligence
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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