So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Is it because I queefed?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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