Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
