I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
