my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
