In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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