I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
